BITCHES & BAD BOYS

So, what is up with women who hang onto guys who are better left standing alone in some corner with their tails between their legs.  These are men with few if any redeeming qualities but women hold on tightly for fear of losing that one guy who shows even a scintilla of interest in them.  Come on now…do you really think that any warm body … and I mean any one is better than NO ONE?   It isn’t.  It is the terror train to nowhere and I am going to tell you all about it.  If you think you are on the right track with some loser I am here to tell you NO.  Why in the world don’t you think you deserve FABULOUS rather than FRIGHTFUL.

In order to fill a space with something or someone fabulous that space must be available…empty.  You can’t  hold onto something that isn’t working in the hopes that a Prince will ride in, lift you out of this dark hole and ride off into the sunset with you.

If you believe that, you are fooling yourself and destined for heartbreak.  No real Prince is going to want to spend his life with someone who is willing to accept so little.  Value yourself first and let go of that which isn’t working so that you can be open to something that might work.  If you think that repeating the same process over and over and expecting different results is anything short of insanity than you would be incorrect.  Studies show that more than one third of all women questioned would accept a mate knowing they are far less than perfect.  Why is that?

In fact that mate could be a dangerous drug-addicted abuser and still there are countless women who would turn a blind-eye in order to have that lukewarm body.  There are women who marry men who are incarcerated for life without parole and who will never enjoy the intimacy of a real relationship.  It sounds incongruous and borders on the brink of madness, but these women have found a  semblance of safety and security in a relationship where they know they will never be abused or  cheated on. These men provide a safe harbor for women with little or no self-esteem, possible victims of abuse in previous relationships.  It is true that the  entire concept of perfection differs from person to person. The obvious first step is to find out what it is that you, perfect, powerful Goddess, want in your life.

Think about this:  why would you accept so little.  What in your past has robbed you of your self esteem?  What insurmountable challenge has made you think so little of yourself?  Women marry men incarcerated for life.  Why?   Hazarding a guess I would say there are a couple of reasons.  The guy behind bars with time on his hands usually becomes prolific at writing and poetry becomes his way of expression.  Those poetic words, so often missing from the man on the outside are music to a woman’s ears.  There is the issue of abuse…since that guy on death row cannot possibly abuse the woman.  Then the cheating aspect.  You know exactly where that man is at all times and he cannot be cheating…at least not with a woman.  How this becomes rationale for marriage between a convicted killer and a woman on the outside perhaps with small children is beyond me but it happens and with some degree of frequency.

There are amazing tales of women marrying serial killers on death row.  We all shake our heads in amazement but just think about why.  These women are taken by the loving words crafted by these lifers.  They often become jailhouse poets as they have nothing but time on their hands and are manipulative and cunning.  Most men don’t use words in that way and are taught from birth to be strong and not in touch at all with their feminine side.  Remember the book Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche.  Yes a play on words but meant to denigrate men who had found their softer side.  So killers can reach in and find that part of themselves and then use it to lure women.  The woman knows where her man is at all times and that he isn’t going to cheat on her…probably vastly different then other men in her life.

It is not just about the very bad boy housed in a cell in a penitentiary somewhere  is of concern.  Women often find bad boys appealing for one reason or the other and allow themselves to become enmeshed in inappropriate, unmanageable relationships from which escape is extremely difficult.

Of course the bad boy can offer some excitement in the early stages of a relationship.  That excitement can soon lose its appeal when you are constantly being put in danger, being put down, or being emotionally and physically abused.

Women still hang onto meaningless relationships until they are  totally cut and bleeding. Hang in their baby now has an entirely new meaning.  Often, when they do leave, it’s because in their insecurity they have grasped onto someone, anyone else to replace the current abuser.  The new vacuum is instantly filled and sadly usually with someone of the same ilk. How can you make a sound decision when you are needy, filled with fear and surrounded by confusion?  The only thing that you can think of is that you don’t want to be alone.  In your confused state you imagine that being with a bad boy is better than being alone.  FLASH!  It isn’t.

It’s hard to imagine that in the Twenty-First Century women are still trapped by the proverbial  glass ceiling in their personal lives  and unable to envision a life without a man even an unsuitable one. It is time for women to recognize that they don’t need to listen to empty or angry words that are delivered from an unsuitable source. The time is now for women to take hold of their own power and eliminate the neediness.  Continuing a behavior that doesn’t really work is just the precursor to falling into a black hole from which there may be no escape.

Now is the time to change that and start making empowering choices that will benefit you.  You need not be defined by the man or lack of man in your life any longer.  You do not need to be dependent upon any man for your personal happiness or survival.  It is time to take back your power and to acknowledge the Warrior Woman within yourself.  Only then can you truly have a real relationship with yourself and with another.

Instead of trying to rationalize the whys of the failed relationship empower yourself to be the incredible Warrior Woman that you were meant to be. It’s time to do an accounting of where you are and where you want to be.  Do a critical assessment of the staggering qualities that you possess.  Sometimes we tend to overlook the important things that we do or have done in our lives.  Maybe we believe that everyone is endowed with such special talents and we avoid giving ourselves the credit.  Take a close look at your accomplishments and then make a Bucket List of things you want to do going forward.  There is no stopping you from having  anything that you really want.   You can have it all, remember that! Just have a positive outlook and know that there is always a solution to every challenge that is placed  in front of you.  Sometimes you just need to be an out of the box thinker to find that solution.  Share that positive outlook with other women so that you can provide the strength, courage and commitment to those who are struggling. Be part of a mutual support group.   There is a saying that we teach that which we most need to learn so your teachings will strengthen the  commitment to your own success.

What can you do about this and how can you get out of this potentially dangerous situation?  The first step is to recognize that there is a problem.  As in change that one requires..the first step is to recognize that a problem exists.  In this situation the core of the problem lies within yourself.  You have to begin to see how valuable you are and tools are going to be provided here in our Community to help you repair and recapture the Goddess that is you…the Warrior that is you so that you can step out into the world with a whole, renewed vision of yourself.

You can start by spending some quiet time with yourself. Do what I call an Autopsy of the Soul This is the time when you can light some candles and put on some soft music and just sit and think about you.   It is during this quiet time that you can examine your deepest thoughts and try to get a better understanding of who you are, what you want, and how best to get there. Look at where you are and then think about where you want to be. Who are you with, or without? What kind of relationships have you enjoyed or endured, and why? What type of relationship would improve, expand, or add to your life at this point? All things are possible in this world of possibility. The Universe is here to enable you to have it all, but it only works if you know what it is you want.  Just remember out of confusion and chaos will come clarity if you give it the chance. I am here to guide you so  if you have questions or concerns Just Ask.  I am only a click away.