August 26, 2020
Brace yourselves for today I am giving you sound advice for any women out there looking for a real relationship. Pay careful attention, don’t dismiss my words as a fairy tale or without merit as I am living proof that this works and is indeed true.
As women we are in a near constant search for “the one” that special man who society has dubbed our man. It is a natural attrition that we as women are basically expected to find love, get married, have kids and then depending upon the culture, who knows
Things have certainly changed over the years but it still remains the expectation of society that this is what we as women do. Like it or not. How many times do we hear well meaning friends and acquaintances say to the just married couple…”so when are you going to have children?”
OMG I would like one dollar for all the times I hear that. Or from Mom, “when are you going to make me a Grandmother?” Gotta love that one.
As women when we do meet a guy that even remotely pays attention to us we are already phoning our girlfriends to tell them the exciting news. Please don’t deny it because that is what happens. We hardly know that person we are now madly crazy in love with because he used the terms we and us in a conversation that he thought might lead to the bedroom.
Following is a very good way to protect yourself from falling too hard too quickly for some guy you just met at a party. Try this one on the next time that you venture out to an event. Instead of heading out in search of “the one” change your perceptions of the evening and have some fun with it instead of making this the precursor to your future happiness.
Look at each event as you would a performance but for your benefit. The men that you encounter are all actors auditioning for a part in your upcoming play. Enjoy the experience, and understand that the auditions are for you, the audience. Weigh any potential special person accordingly.
That gorgeous guy holding up the far wall and oozing compliments should be looked at simply as an actor who is vying for a role in this play you are directing. Watch how your focus and attitudes shift once you begin to look at this entire evening in a different light.
Those actors are willing to do and say anything to get the part so look at their “performance” in that light and I promise that you will come away from the evening with a totally different perspective.
Chill out! Stop feeling like this is the night you are going to meet the one. The pressure is off! You can relax knowing that every encounter does not have to culminate with you giving your phone number to some strange wall-ornament who looks like Brad Pitt on steroids.
You don’t need to be invited out to dinner every night to feel good about yourself. Just feel good about you because you are an amazing person. You can play with this and laugh at the absurdity of it all. Just observe the behavior patterns of the actors and you will become more at ease with a key character, yourself.
Watching how that handsome stranger behaves with others gives you a good indication of how he is behaving with you. But now, you are an observer.
Let's talk about one of my favorite topics...no not me...FEAR. It is a disabling emotion that strikes men and women without care or concern. I cannot tell you how many times in speaking with both genders I see fear that is irrational.
Much of the time it comes from lack of education or experience with a particular topic. My first exposures to the absurdity of irrational FEAR came decades ago when I faced a FEAR of my own. I had seen a man in an explosion in Hollywood who was burned beyond recognition and hence, I had developed this fear of fire.
I had also witnessed a well-known dragster driver crash at an event and he was burned over 70% of his body.
My fear seemed rational even though I had never been near any fire myself. I decided to attend a Tony Robbins event where they held a Firewalk. For the next few months prior to the event well-meaning folks told me how it was a fake and gave me all sorts of reasons why it couldn't be real.
This was in spite of the fact that they had no direct knowledge which is par for the course. The event arrived and I sat in the room with several hundred other attendees learning about healing in preparation for the Firewalk. They led us out to the parking lot where the fires were burning down into coals and the flames leaped high into the air.
Then at midnight we all trooped out and got in line to experience walking barefoot over 1600 degree coals.
Everyone but me that is. I stood on the sidelines arguing with myself about the merits of walking barefoot over burning hot coals. Make no mistake about it, the coals were RED HOT and there was no trickery or fakery here at all.
This was a test on everything we already knew and had learned these past few hours. I reconciled that I was there to do the Firewalk but that fear rose inside of me and I was paralyzed. I had to get over it and quickly. Then something happened that moved me over the edge.
Two dwarfs were assisted over the hot coals. I said to myself "If they can do it so can I" and promptly got in line. I watch with glee as the coals cooled and darkened. Then at the very moment I reached the front of the line and was ready to step off the edge I heard someone say "More Hot Coals."
A wheelbarrow filled with red hot burning embers appeared and was dumped and raked right in front of me. I stepped off repeating Cool Moss Cool Moss but realized I had been burned half-way across the coals. I wiped my feet and returned to the room silently vowing not to return in the morning.
I was hurt and feeling sorry for myself. I drove home arriving around 4am, promptly checked out my feet only to find fully formed blisters on both insoles. They hurt like hell but I was so tired that all I could do was put on a pair of socks and fall into bed.
I had a hair appointment in the morning and had no intention of going back to the event. Several hours of restless sleep later I got up, removed my socks and to my shock the blisters were completely healed. I mean dry and crusted as if they were weeks old rather than hours.
My mindset totally changed as I realized that the work we had done on healing earlier in the evening had healed my body and that the blisters I had received were there to show me how real the Firewalk was. Furthermore, I had challenged my Fear, knocked it on it's ass and overcome it.
Suddenly I had a burning share. I couldn’t wait to get to the event and share my realization with everyone. I had overcome my fear of Fire and learned a great deal about my ability to heal myself. It was a revelation that I had to share with others and did that day. I am forever grateful for the experience and encourage all of you to get over your irrational FEARS by facing them head on and realizing the absurdity of most of those fears.
Dissect the Fear and write down the real truths of that Fear. Are you really going to get eaten by a lion if you go on safari? Do you really stand a chance of being homeless? Are you truly in danger if you move to another city away from everything you have known your entire life? You know what Fears you have. Give them a voice on paper and then dig deeply for the truth and face that Fear head on.
Happy days folks…get ready to examine your favorite topic which might well be YOU! I have some interesting little questions for you to ponder as you head into another brilliant day in this amazing world that we occupy.
Hmmm…yes we occupy this world for a moment in time and yet most of us don’t take the time to really evaluate who we are and what the hell we want. I would make book right now that most people don’t really know who they are and are really a bit unsure of what it is that they want out of life.
What is it really that you want. Oh you can mouth the words that sound right and perfect like success, love, money, happiness but then what is that deep desire underneath all the trappings really saying.
I subdivided my thoughts one day many years ago and after starting with money I ended up with Freedom as being the driving force in my life and what catapulted me either into a situation or away from one. That is why I divorced 3 times and ended a multitude of relationships including one with a Billionaire.
I lost my bloody freedom in the process of securing the relationship. So listen up everyone. Knowing what it is that you want in your life is the key to your ultimate happiness
We are so busy with the day to day tasks, work, family, friends that we often overlook that most important and critical part of our true happiness.
What are you striving for and why? Take some time to look deeply into your being and determine what is that driving force, that most critical of things you want.
I would start by listing 4 important driving forces in your life. Examples would be Freedom, Money, Fame, Possessions, Travel. What are the things that you seek. Then put them in order 1 being the most important and 4 being the least.
Now really examine each and dig deeply. You may find that the order will change. Stay tuned for more on this critical topic.
Do you think there is such a thing as perfection? That "perfect" person that we as humans are always on the lookout for. We usually have that expectation of perfection from those we are involved with.
Well flash...it doesn't exist. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but that perfection so to speak is really nothing more than the "perception of perfection." It is in the so called "eye" of the beholder.
Now I know many of you are going to disagree with that statement and more power to you, however, that my friends is the truth. There is no such thing as perfect and I expect shock and outrage from all of you.
I can hear it now from the grandstands. Well just think of this: everything in life is about ones' perceptions. You can be in a room filled with people and a significant event occurs.
When questioned, those present will have different recollections about exactly what occurred. Their recall will depend upon many things: where they were standing, do they wear glasses or contact lenses, how old are they, male or female and much more.
It's about their perception and perception is reality. So your perception right, wrong or indifferent; clouded or clear IS your reality. So as we search for the elusive notion of Perfection we will always end up with what our "perception" of that perfection really is.
Perfect to one person may not be perfect to someone else. Just look around at the incredible variety of people in the world. There usually is someone for everyone, ( a lid for every pot, so to speak), and that someone is perfect is the eyes of their partner...but perhaps not in your eyes.
Remember that when you look for perfection in another person. It is ONLY your perception of that perfection and what perfect means to you. In real life one must compromise and while holding true to their values and integrity realize that no one is perfect.
You don't need to accept any behaviors from another human being that might be considered a deal breaker. But only you can decide what those deal breakers are.
That is your first step. Recognize what you are willing to accept in a relationship and hold tight to those values. Then realize no person is perfect and that flaws are just part of being human.
Nothing is really perfect!
Question for today. How do you eat an elephant? Now don't tell me from far away or think this over or nonsense like that. I have a real answer for you. Get ready. ONE bite at a time and don't start with the tail. I don''t think you saw that one coming.
How many of you regularly start with the tail? Be honest. You go into that "herd" of elephants, hungry as hell and then grab the closest thing to you the tail and take a bite only to lose the prize.
So let's relate that to life. You start something sometimes begrudgingly because of a ton of reasons. Maybe you are fearful it won't work; maybe you don''t think you have the skills; maybe you jumped into the project too quickly and now you are unsure of it and yourself.
It makes no difference you are now in a state of fear worried that you won't achieve the end goal. Well, stop the music! That means the recordings you are playing over and over in your head and just take a breath.
Remember this, some things work out great and other things not so great. The one constant truth is that IF you don't try, you will fail. You can eat the herd of elephants if you do it intelligently.
Yes there is an intelligent way to overcome even the greatest of challenges. Start with the body of the project NOT the tail. Go one step at a time day after day until you reach a desired goal.
Notice I didn't say THE desired goals I said A desired goal. Take things in steps, one bite at at time and soon the "herd" will be devoured and you will have achieved yet another star on your card.
Just don't get discouraged and don't ever say no or never. Remember, successes don't come overnight and Rome wasn't built in a day.
Put one foot in front of the other and head to the goal line, shoulders back, head up, eyes bright with the knowledge that you have accomplished your goal. You didn't start with the tail either.
There are a number of sayings that stick in ones' mind but I remember this one above most. “I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” That bit of wisdom comes from the illustrious Mark Twain.
This speaks volumes to me. As humans we tend to stress over things even though what we are stressing over may or may not occur. We bring that unfulfilled event into the front of our thinking process and beat it to death.
That is not to say that sometimes shit happens. It does for sure but much of the time we think and rethink and then think to death something that never will materialize...which is great. But sadly we do a whole hell of a lot of damage in the process.
We are conditioned to worry and that is what we all do much of the time. We fret, we worry, we are fearful, we drive ourselves crazy with things that never come to fruition. Why the hell do we do that? I wish I knew the answer folks.
Why would you want to sit around and worry about something that may or may not ever happen. It beats me! Do you know that what you focus on expands...so your worries are multiplied. The really upsetting fact is that when you worry you are focusing your energies on that one area of your life.
Probably it's an area that you have zero control over anyway but there you are laser focused. You wake up worrying and go to sleep worrying.
Sometimes you worry about being attacked in your sleep or about getting sick or having a heart attack. Sad things to fret over and you know what? A whole lot of times you make that worry a reality.
Is it because you just focused too much on it that you magnetized the very thing you were trying to avoid? Think about that one. So the answer here is to focus on the positive things in your life and stop worrying about things that may never come about.
Life happens and we are spectators at times or participants at other times. Don't waste your valuable time worrying. Worry creates stress and stress my friends KILLS.
So unless you want to fall over dead before your time, knock it off. You can rest assured that most of your worries are nonsense so let go and relax. Stay tuned for more wisdom from me, your edgy blogger.
I realize that the mere idea of going onto the Internet to find Mr. Right is a daunting in fact even frightening notion that many of you are loathe to even think about. But truthfully in this day and age what are the choices.
Bars are really not an option as you may meet many people there but the circumstances are generally not conducive to long term relationships and just cry I am available for a one night stand...want to play?
If relationship is what you are looking for then do not go the Looking for Mr. Goodbar route and become a bar fly boozing your way through the neighborhood watering holes. The Internet, once explored and mastered, can be a very friendly and fantastic spot to meet that one special person.
I know, I did it! It isn't really very complicated but it is a relatively youthful process for meeting people.
There are a few pointers I would like to go over with you:
1. The dissection of the profile is critical...what that person says and doesn't say
2. Don't lie and try to be someone or something else. Tell the truth...but a little white lie about age cannot hurt.
3. You need a very good picture of yourself, but a real one not one from High School.
4. Be Proactive. Don't post a profile and picture and then wait around to hear from Mr. Right. You go into that website and scroll through it like a Fortune 500 Employer looking for that perfect candidate for President of the Company.
Keep reading and I will share many more secrets with you.
Every day, intelligent, accomplished women make incredibly foolish and irresponsible choices in men. They believe everything they hear and nearly everything they don't see, flying blind in bad weather under very hazardous conditions. They become the inadequate males' best supporter rallying to his defense against both friend and foe alike. They dispense reason and rationale with the effortless bedside manner of a clinic doctor with too many patients.
They refuse to see the proverbial forest through the trees and they forge ahead defiantly defending their "hero." More often than not, the hero is really a frog. A fraud in princely trappings who if examined even a little more closely might have been exposed early on.
Too many women want so desperately to believe. They want so much to be correct in their assessment that they have at last found "the one" that they fail the first preliminary exam. Be alert to the signs. Examine new people closely and above all listen to what they say. Most women just pay lip service to the term listening. Men say what you want to hear but if you listen closely you can "read" between the lines. Watch their behavior and that will tell you volumes. I have coined the phrase, LALA which simply means Look, Ask, Listen, Ask. As women we don't do that enough.
If you never remember anything else, remember this when and if you decide that you cannot live without THIS married man. They never leave. Although never is a strong and seemingly undeviating position, it is more often than not absolute. Know that many women find married men attractive because it keeps them safe. You would be safer swimming naked in a pool filled with man-eating sharks. If you want real safety, stay home alone.
More dating dangers will follow in the weeks ahead so stay tuned and if you want more than read Blind Spots, The Ultimate Guide to Love in the Dark, available now in paperback from Amazon.com and on Kindle for an easy and fast download. No more waiting just one click does it all!
"Trust in yourself. You are your own best friend. You must believe that you know all the answers. The only thing that stands between you and the truth about everything and anything you want or need to know, is a quiet space that allows you to hear. Listen to yourself. You are wise beyond your own understanding. Sometimes it may be difficult for you to comprehend just how powerful you really are, so let go and just know that it's true."
"Expect only the best and it will be yours. If you don't think you deserve it, then why in the world would you have it? Know in your own mind that you are worthy and that will project onto those in your life."
"Signs of bad behavior in the beginning of any relationship usually are not going to disappear. Pay special attention to the red flags then take decisive action. Better to flee before you are knee-deep in quicksand."
"We grow up yearning for those never-forgotten feelings of love, of being nurtured by our parents, whether real or imagined, from near or at arms'length. This craving for regular emotional injections is so great at times it seems almost insatiable. It becomes a burning desire, to be loved; to be cared for; to be wanted; in spite of the fact that, so often, the person parceling out the feelings is a totally inappropriate partner. Under other circumstances, were we not so blinded by this need, we would clearly see the underlying problems so evident to others."
"We sleep with someone we've just met because we don't know how to say no and not feel or be rejected. The thought that physical sex translates to being loved and being desired is just that, a thought. We want to believe that the sweet words being said come from the heart and not from the groin. This can be our salvation from the "singles" scene. However, relationships built on a foundation of sand erode quickly, and the "love" that we are feeling one moment, can turn to anger, depression and disappointment the next."
"Don't get angry. You lose power when you lost control. The easiest thing to do when a man's behavior needs improvement is to let him have it with both guns. Those times when he's uttered words so thoughtless you wonder if he even lives on this planet; when he shows you so little tenderness, consideration, love, kindness, compassion, respect, regard or thought that you don't even want to give him notice of this impending "Gunfight at OK Corral." In your mind it seems much better to just draw and shoot aiming for the heart, if he has one. There should be no warning, you just want to blast away. Yes, at first glance that does seem to be a good course of action, but is it the right course to gain what you want?"
"Measure a man by the depth of his heart. A man who is incapable of compassion, devoid of the ability to feel for others; the homeless, the less fortunate has little to offer beyond self-absorption and selfishness. Don't be blinded by other possible virtues. They are an illusion. Never think for one moment that those views are directed only to those on the outside. His problem is really with anyone who is less than perfect in his eyes. Although you may be certain that he is not perfect you can rest assured that in his "perfect world" at the end of the day you will lack perfection."
"What you see is what you get. You cannot change anyone but yourself. At the risk of sounding repetitious I will once again remind you. Change only occurs when the person requiring the change wants it and commits to it. Don't think you can break the rules."
As an Opinionated Woman I am going to regularly blog about issues that are important to me and to everyone out there. I am going to touch on Relationships, Dating, Perceptions, Women's Issues, Deal Breakers, World Issues and anything else that I believe makes all of you smile, laugh, get angry, provoked or just say "Hey Georgene I agree or disagree with you." You can let me know how you feel about any of these issues and I welcome your comments as always.
All About Love,
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