September 01, 2020
I hear it all the time. Women telling me about the new man that they met last weekend and how much he is into her. She is just waiting for him to call her. He wants her to accompany him to Europe in a couple of weeks and he just couldn't keep his hands off of her.
It was electric what they were feeling unlike anything she had ever experienced before. They were just glued to one another at the cocktail party for Dudley Do-right on Saturday night and could I believe that they went to the same high school...imagine that!
She then drones on about how wonderful he is, tall, good looking, charming and very much a communicator. I ask has Mr. Wonderful been married but she doesn't really know. Has he been in any relationships for more than a week...again I get the blank stare.
So what did she find out during this incredible pairing of souls that lasted a full 4 hours of cocktail party conversation? He drinks vodka straight up with a few ice cubes and he went to Portola High School either before or after she did.
Anything else? Sadly no. While she was lapping up the pseudo attention being lavished on her by this person and enjoying the words we and us and let's she was avoiding doing the very thing that would have given her much needed answers and let her know whether this man was a real contender for her heart.
Yes you were glued together for the entire evening and he did take your telephone number. As a matter of fact he took it twice on the back of a cocktail napkin that by the time he reached the car could have ended up in the gutter. He said he wanted to take you to dinner, soon. He would call you, soon.
Did he call? Not yet is usually the reply I have come to expect. But you argue, he cries at sad movies and we had so much in common. Surely he will call...maybe he lost my number. But he didn't call and a month from that night he still hadn't called.
You revisit the evening constantly, every word you uttered every glance you glanced everything he said and didn't say. You dissect every sentence and your inflection. It "seemed"so perfect.
You ferret out his business card, and call the office. Voice Mail answers and in your most seductive and interesting voice you leave your very rehearsed message.
The saddest part about all of this is that you are the one feeling badly and you did nothing. If and when he finally does call he will no doubt have a litany of excuses all of which prevent him from seeing you anytime soon.
Stop torturing yourself! You did nothing wrong and the evening could have been sheer perfection...for you. The conversation may have flowed like water...for you. The dynamics of your personality and his may have been incredible...for you.
You may have had everything in common and nothing. Once this man of many faces is out of your presence you have no idea what he was thinking or doing. Perhaps you were just an interesting diversion from his normal day to day existence.
Just remember this, the men that you meet at parties and events should be looked at as actors vying for a part in your play called life. They will do and say anything to get that part. So just view your evenings in a more analytical manner and don't be so overwhelmed with emotion when you meet someone. Listen to what they are really saying and above all ask questions and listen to the answers that they give not what you want to hear. There is a difference.
As much as I attempt to put age behind me, I find it necessary to continue to harp on the fact that I was 60 years old when took this trip to South Africa alone...rather moved there. Even more daunting!
I want to enunciate that fact just as a way of indicating that it is NEVER too late to find that perfect person, your soulmate. After all I had been divorced for the third time for 20 years and was in the minds of many, long past my sell by date.
But with my attitude and the mental state of a 30 year old, I met and married a fabulous man 10 years younger and gorgeous.
To begin with you must have a real life not one that you parade around for others to see, but real interests that perhaps even consume you at times but certainly keep you occupied.
You need to have a passion for life and exhibit that passion which is all part of you having things that interest you and in turn make you an interesting person to others. You cannot just focus on being in a relationship or having a man to round you out. It won't work!
You are perfectly fine exactly the way you are and need nothing to make your life fuller, richer or more complete. The idea that you might like to have someone in your life is totally different then feeling that you must have someone in your life or you are not complete. You are already complete just exactly the way you are and don't forget it.
You really need to be proactive in your search. If a person finds you attractive that doesn't mean that will be mutual. Go onto your chosen website and search for those men who you find attractive and then be clever and witty and creative in your subject line. Just remember that any really interesting guy is going to be getting an onslaught of emails and replies so make yours unique.
I used lines like Calling All Princes...Princess in waiting...Out of the box adventurer seeks equal. I was simply seeking a friendship but of course I wanted the person on the other end to be someone I found attractive. I didn't want some Raptor answering my ad.
I started out by saying that I had moved alone to Africa which was a real conversation piece and opened the door very wide for commentary. He thought I was very brave...something that I never thought of before he mentioned the fact. I suppose it was a very courageous thing to move half way around the world to absolutely nothing.
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